One Funky Teacher
by SSBFreak
Summary: Rosalina can't drive a bike to save her life and that means she can't partake in the 100cc grand prix. Maybe she needs a little help...


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"Toadette! Get out of the way!" Toad screamed as he rode past his surprised girlfriend while driving a kart down a road.

Toadette looked at Toad with an unusual expression. "Why should I need to get out of the way? I'm on the sidewalk."

"Rosalina's trying to ride a bike again!" Toad called back.

Toadette's eyes widened as she latched onto a nearby lamppost and scurried up. Sure enough, once Toadette was up the lamppost, a green-clad princess barreled down the road, swerving back and forth clumsily, even going onto the sidewalk for a good while. Rosalina eventually reached the bottom of the hill she was driving down and careened into a nearby wall. Rosalina's bike ended up falling onto its side as Rosalina clambered away from it.

Rosalina sighed. "I don't know why I just can't get this right." She admitted. "No matter how many times I try, I just can't seem to ride one of these stupid things for more than thirty feet."

"You okay, Rosalina?" Toadette asked as she came running over.

"Me? YOU were the one I almost ran over." Rosalina pointed out. "Are YOU alright?"

I was told you were coming, so I had the time to get out of the way." The pink mushroom chuckled.

Rosalina sighed again and looked at the ground. "Sorry. I just can't seem to ride any of these bikes and I need to master it if I want to compete in the 100cc Grand Prix."

"Oh, yeah. That's right." Toadette nodded in understanding. "The rules of the 100cc cup require bikes only."

Rosalina was one of the newcomers to the Mario Kart Circuit, and it only took a few days for her to get the hang of karts. A few days after that and Rosalina had won a gold in the 50cc cup, beating the competition by at least fifteen points. However, Rosalina had been practicing for the 100cc cup for a good three weeks, trying to get the hang of the bikes. Unfortunately, no matter how hard she tried, there was nothing she could do to make her driving any better. And because she couldn't master a bike, she wasn't allowed to enter the next cup.

"You'll get it eventually." Toadette shrugged. "You only get better with more practice."

"Are you actually ENCOURAGING me to get back on the road again?" Rosalina asked in mock-surprise.

"Like I said, you can only get better." Toadette supported.

Bidding farewell to the princess, Toadette turned and walked off to continue her morning stroll. Rosalina sighed as she hauled her bike into an upright position again.

"Might as well try again." She said as she prepared to get on her bike.

"YAHOOOO!!"

Rosalina looked up the hill she had just careened down and saw a new racer rocket off a jump at the top, performing a stunt in midair. Rosalina held her hand to her eyes to block out the sun so she could get a better view of the daredevil. She recognized the furry frame, bulky arms, polka-dotted bandana and shades of the monkey riding the bike.

Funky Kong, after pulling off his trick, landed at the bottom of the hill and came to a screeching halt beside Rosalina.

"Heya, princess!" Funky greeted. "How's the bike training going?"

"Let's see…I bumped into three lampposts, drove down the sidewalk for most of that hill you just jumped off, almost ran over Toadette and had to get towed out of that sand trap at the beginning of the course because I had somehow gotten stuck in it facing the completely WRONG way." Rosalina counted off her fingers. "How do you THINK it's going?"

Funky chuckled. "Sounds like you need to squeeze in a little more training before the 100cc cup starts, man." He said.

"You say that like I actually have a chance at making it." Rosalina countered. "Heck, I rear-ended you in the last trial run. You know first-hand how bad of a driver I am with these things."

"Hey, I wasn't exactly the smoothest bike rider when I started, either." Funky held up his hands in defense. "I was probably even worse than you."

"You? A bad bike rider?" Rosalina asked. "From the way you handled that jump at the top of the hill you just went off of, I'd say that you've been racing those contraptions for years."

"Not the case, princess." Funky laughed. "I work as a mechanic on boats and planes. Until DK and Diddy invited me to come along here, I hadn't been on anything with wheels."

"Then…How'd you get so good?" The green-clad princess asked, finding what she was hearing hard to believe.

"I just practiced a bit and everything just fell into place for me. Far out, eh?" Funky replied.

"I wish I could learn how to ride one of these infernal motorcycles as quickly as you…"

The laid-back Kong paused for a few seconds before his trademark toothy grin reappeared on his face. "Climb on, princess." He offered.

"Uh…Excuse me?" Rosalina asked.

"Get on the bike and sit in front of me." Funky instructed. "I'll teach you."

Rosalina slowly stepped towards the bike, wondering if this would be such a good idea. If she messed up now, not only could she get hurt, but now she would be endangering Funky as well. Deciding that the large monkey knew what he was doing, Rosalina climbed onto the bike and gripped the handlebars.

"Okay. I'll work with you for the first little bit so you can get the hang of the controls." Funky said as he placed his large hands overtop of Rosalina's small ones on the handlebars. Rosalina blushed, but hid it. "You ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be, I guess."

"Let's start going, then." The laid-back Kong said as he gently applied pressure to the accelerator, making the bike move slowly. The two came upon a turn in the road and Funky moved his hands slightly to go around the turn. Rosalina felt her hands moving as well, so she now knew how hard to turn to go around a corner.

"Good job, princess." Funky said. "We can keep our balance on the straight paths and can go around turns now."

"This isn't so bad…" Rosalina admitted.

The two continued through the race course at a steady pace without any problems and were picking up speed little by little. By the time the two had completed a full lap around the course, they were driving at normal racing speed.

"You getting the hang of it yet, princess?" Funky asked Rosalina.

"I think I am." Rosalina nodded as she continued to watch the road.

Funky grinned. "Good to hear!" He said as he jumped off the bike, leaving Rosalina on the bike alone.

Rosalina was instantly aware that she was the only one on the bike and screamed. "FUNKY!!" The green-glad princess shrieked.

"You know how to do it, princess!" Funky called out. "Go around the last turn and pull up to your bike!"

A little less confident than before, Rosalina tried to remember what Funky had just taught her and was able to maneuver around the last corner. Quickly applying the brakes, Rosalina came to a screeching halt beside her bike that she had left at the side of the road when Funky had first 

picked her up. As Rosalina panted in relief, a cheering ape came rushing down the hill to meet her.

"You did it, princess! That was sweet!" Funky said as he clapped and cheered on his way down to meet with Rosalina again.

Rosalina promptly got off the bike and stormed over. "What did you do that for?!" She shouted.

"Hey, I needed to see if you could finish the lap by yourself." Funky replied casually.

"I wasn't ready to control the bike by myself!" Rosalina insisted as she pulled her hand back to prepare to strike the laid-back Kong across the face.

Funky simply smirked. "Rosalina, I stopped helping you halfway through the lap." He explained. "I just stuck with you on the bike to give it the impression that I was helping you."

Rosalina paused, her eyes wide, as she lowered her arm. You didn't help me at ALL during the last half of the lap?" She asked.

"Not a bit." Funky replied. "That was all you."

"Well…Why didn't you tell me?" Rosalina asked.

"The only way to learn how to do something well is to do it yourself." The laid-back Kong replied with a shrug and smirk. "I'd say it worked out pretty well."

Rosalina paused, trying to come up with a reply. When she couldn't come up with one, she sighed in defeat. "Okay. You win." She said.

"Hey, it got you to drive a bike well enough." Funky pointed out. "A little more practice and you'll be ready for the 100cc grand prix."

"I suppose so." The green-clad princess nodded. "I'm feeling a little better than I did before. Thank you for the assistance, Funky."

"Always a pleasure, princess." Funky smirked as he got onto his bike again. "Man. I gotta jet. If you need a little more training, just give me a shout and we'll o for another run through the course."

"I'd like that, Funky." Rosalina nodded with a smile. "Thank you again."

Bidding farewell to the green-clad princess, Funky roared down the road on his bike, performing a wheelie and letting out a shout of glee. After the laid-back Kong was gone, Rosalina walked towards her bike and got back on it again.

"Well, let's give this another try." Rosalina said as she started her bike and drove off down the road. Surprisingly, she was doing a lot better than she was doing before Funky started training her.

"Maybe the 100cc won't be as hard to partake in as I thought." Rosalina said to herself as she drove off down the road. "Maybe I'll surprise people…"

END

Author's note: Inspiration for this fic came from fanart. There was a pic of Funky and Rosalina posing for a camera, with Funky giving a wave. The point of interest was that Rosalina actually had her hands around Funky's forearm. I kinda liked the idea of having the two as friends and figured I would do a fic about that.


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